Wednesday, October 26, 2011

How to fail a hearing test (and drive your mommy over the edge in the process)

Hearing Test day finally arrived and we really weren't too worried.  Aidan has been off food for over a week and the improvement in all of our day-to-day lives is profound.  Aidan is gaining weight (7oz in 9 days - which is ENORMOUS for him), starting to explore sounds that aren't ear-splitting screams, and we are hopeful that he will start making progress on his motor delay.  Now that the screaming has subsided and the babbling has begun, we aren't concerned about his hearing anymore.  He hears.  Of course he hears.

Unless, of course, he... doesn't?

Without further ado, Aidan has some thoughts on how to fail a hearing test while pushing his mommy over the edge in the process.  His thoughts, I swear.

1. Feign alertness early in the day.  This takes some planning ahead, but it's important.  You absolutely must ensure that daycare does NOT put you down for a nap before your mommy comes to get you.

2. Lose your mind in the car.  If you have successfully avoided your morning nap, this one will handle itself, really.  If you do this properly, your mommy will probably get very confused and park at the wrong building.  You'll be late, your mommy will be frazzled, and the receptionists will be surly.

3. Decide you're hungry and you just cannot wait.  Even if you've just eaten.  Even if mommy can hear your lunch sloshing around in your tummy.  Doesn't matter.  Eat.  Slowly.

4. By now, your mommy will have gotten you in for the test.  That's okay - you can sit still  for a few minutes.  Look precious and adorable and let the nice doctor do her thing.  This should convince everyone that this is going to go well. Fools.

5. You will be taken into a funny little room.  The doctor will go away and talk to you from wherever she is.  Try really hard to play with mommy even though the doctor told mommy not to play with you.  It won't work, but this is key in the quest to push her over the edge.

6. It's okay to look at the spot that the noises come from.  It's even better to look wildly around the room as though the sounds are coming from everywhere.  It's even better to pretend you don't hear anything at all, but oh look, isn't this invisible speck of nothing on the highchair tray interesting?

7. Stand your ground.  You might be tempted to cooperate.  Please don't.  Mommy likes when you drive her crazy, I promise.

So that's more or less how our trip went.  Aidan definitely hears speech and speech-level tones, but he either cannot hear the other three tones, or cannot be bothered to respond to them.  My suspicion is that he's just not interested enough to respond, but ultimately, we won't know until after his next test in early December.

Always something, bug.  Always something.

1 comment:

  1. I'm thinking "#7 Stand your ground. You might be tempted to cooperate. Please don't" is really going to serve him well, in the long run.