Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Baby Room Decor

I bought some super adorable toys yesterday, for the baby's room.  They're for ages 3+, so for a while they're going to be decorative, but I thought they'd go PERFECT with the theme of the room.  We're doing an animal theme - kind of a jungle/safari thing, but not overwhelming.  I want to keep the bedding and stuff pretty neutral and then add little touches of animals. 

So I'm planning to install shelving to display these.  They're made of organic maple wood and textiles, and use only non-toxic glue and paint.  The legs are flexible so they can be posed.  Love them. 

As long as (s)he has eyes, I'll be happy...

Missie posted a really cool tool for eye color calculation.  Thought I'd give it a shot.

Our results?  50% chance of brown eyes, 12.5% chance of green, and 37.5% chance of blue.  I don't know of a single person in either of our families with green eyes.  Wild.  This is, of course, assuming that my pregnancy book isn't a liar, and that the brown eye gene covers hazel, and the blue eye gene covers gray and light green.  My father's eyes are grayish (so I called that blue).  My husband's eyes are sort of a hazely-browny-greeny something or the other.  I called that brown.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I need to fix up my diet.  I feel really guilty about the crap that I've been feeding baby appleseed.

The search is on for a better plan...

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thursday!

It's surprising how tough it is sometimes to come up with the thing I'm thankful for.  It shouldn't be - it really, really shouldn't - but it is.

Today, I am thankful for my sweet little kitties, who have been extra affectionate and have both taken to napping with me when I get home from work.  Every time they give me one of their furry little "I love you" faces, my heart melts.  They will always be my first babies and I can't wait to give them a (hopefully far less hirsute) sibling.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

First Doc Visit

Yesterday was my first pregnant visit to the OB/GYN.  I went alone, because my "dear" husband wasn't being very "dear" at all, but that's another story.

The adventure started when the office informed me that I wasn't a patient.  Um, yes I am.  The nurse actually asked me if I was "sure."  Uh, yeah, I'm "sure" I remember your hands up in my girly bits.  I'm a patient.  They finally found me and just *had* to let me know that I must have given them an incorrect birthdate.  I think not.  Isn't it slightly more likely that you mistyped my birthdate than that I forgot my own birthday. 

Anyway, step 1: pee in a cup.  I'm a pro at this by now.  I filled 'er up and handed it over, and almost immediately started to panic.  What if their peestick said something different than all of MY peesticks?  I had to sit there for about 10 minutes waiting for the results.  I was literally in tears by the time the nurse came in, and she took her sweet time shuffling through a bunch of papers before mentioning that their test came back positive too.  /whew.  I'm not imagining things.

Step 2: get lectured about everything I eat/do/think about.  This one wasn't so bad, except that I'm officially disallowed from Rock Climbing, which will be really disappointing for the kids (not to mention that I'm not ready to TELL yet, so thinking up an excuse for no longer taking them climbing won't be easy).  I think I'll continue through May (2 more Saturdays) and then have to take a break.  I'm not allowed to wear the harness at all, and I don't have enough energy to entertain them without taking them to the gym.  More on this later, though.  I'm really, really torn.

Step 3: Hear about the tests.  This was the worst, because Tom wasn't there and I cried a ton.  I mean, I really cried.  Hearing all the things that can go wrong, even though none of them were unknown to me prior to the visit, was really, really scary.  And Tom has no opinion on whether we should do screenings or not.  So that one's all me.  My current mindset is to do the noninvasive ones at 11-13 weeks and then take it from there.

Step 4: Wrapup - We talked a lot about how my neural tube defect could complicate things for me and for the baby.  I cried more.  The doc wants to do some early ultrasound whether or not I do the screening to check on the baby's neural tube development.  Not yet, because it's not all formed yet, but soonish I guess.  Maybe at the next visit (at 9w)?

All done!  um, NOT. 

The next part of the fun was driving to the hospital where I will eventually birth this little parasite because I needed "a little bit of bloodwork."  Just so you know, "a little bit" equals 14 large vials of blood.  I literally came thisclose to passing out before they brought me juice and cookies.  I cried for awhile (because I was angry with Tom and I don't like needles and I didn't feel well) and went home.

Doctor visit numero uno is on the books.  I don't go back  (assuming all is well) for four more weeks.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

One more time...

Okay, I'm going to force myself to swear I'll stop doing this - but I have so many tests left over from my internet cheapie order that I decided to take one again this morning.  I wondered if internet cheapies actually do get dark lines.

They do, and I might never get tired of looking at them.  Yes, I added it to my journal.  No, comments regarding my questionable sanity are not welcome.

sleep: I miss it.

Dear Baby,

If you don't start letting mommy sleep past 6am, she will never have the energy to raise you when you actually show up.  

Love, Mommy

It's the weirdest thing.  no matter how early/late I go to sleep, or how awful my night's sleep was, 6am rolls around and I just. cannot. sleep.  Don't get me wrong - I want to!  I had horrible nightmares all night long last night, I'm completely exhausted, but my body seems to feel that no mommy-to-be should be lazing around in bed at - oh - 6:04am.  Simply unacceptable, mommy-to-be!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful that I for our little poppyseed, who has been working super hard for the past couple of weeks and is really doing some amazing stuff in there! 

His/Her Week 4 picture:
I never thought I would love a poppy seed so much.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Growth Opportunity

Buying something for your baby when you are only 3 1/2 weeks along is a no-no.  I just want to make sure I acknowledge this.

I felt absolutely gross today.  I was hot and sweaty all day for no reason.  Alternately nauseous and starving all day.  Pimply, itchy, bloated, crampy, and miserable.  My boobs hurt so much that I almost cried in pain when I saw a good friend that I hadn't seen in a while and he gave me a big hug. 

And then I saw this.  And it was on clearance.  And it was $1.49.  And I bought it.

Excited little family

I woke up this morning to find this slightly creepy though very sweet picture in my purse.  I can't help but hope that our child looks slightly less legume-y.

I'm excited too.  I called and made an appointment with the OB - Tom and I go in for our first visit (which is really just a confirmation of the tests and a chance to meet the doctor and discuss how we'll handle things) on Tuesday 5/18.  They don't schedule the first big ultrasound visit until the 10th week, which seems ultra far away.  Super hard to hear other girls talk about how they're having ultrasounds at 6 weeks and I have to wait an extra MONTH but I am consoling myself with the fact that hopefully by ten weeks there will be something distinguishable to see.  And we'll be that much closer to finding out our baby's gender!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The story of a BFP

I first tested at 6dpo (hear me out!) because I wanted to be *sure* I knew what a BFN reeeally looked like.  Got my BFN and was totally cool with it because I knew what I was looking for my BFP not to look like.  Then I tested at 7dpo because I like peeing on things, and my internet cheapies are only 24 cents each.  BFN, no doubt about it.  Totally cool with it.

Then, on Friday, I tested with FMU at 8dpo and I was SO sure I saw a faint line that I tested again.  Saw the same faint line, but really couldn't be sure.  It was so so super faint, I couldn't trust myself.  Spent the entire 8dpo day at work playing with color inversion, contrast, you name it.  Tested AGAIN with "haven't peed in 3 1/2 hours" urine that night and got my faintish line again.  Now I was pretty sure, but decided an FRER was in order.

9dpo rolls around on Saturday and I woke up super early, peed in a tupperware, capped it up tightly, bagged the whole shebang up, and took my pee pee tupperware (I've since thrown it away, not to worry) to walmart to buy a pack of FRER's.  Dipped one and DEFINITE pink line.  SQUEE!  Dipped an internet cheapie in the same FMU, got the same superfaint line.

I HAD to tell DH.  IMMEDIATELY.  But I also had to work!  I was babysitting D and G all day, and I NEEDED to get this off my chest.  So I went back into walmart, bought the cutest little Phillies onesie and an adorable little card and wrapped it up in a box (and threw in the positive FRER for good measure!) that said Open Me!

I raced home with the box and left it on the coffee table.  Dipped the other FRER in the parking lot at home, just because I wanted to see it again :)  Gorgeously dual-lined, of course :)

At this point, I decided a digital test was in order - so I dipped that too.  Then I raced back to work, semi-praying that I wouldn't get pulled over. Every two seconds, I glanced down at the digital, waiting for it to develop.  When it finally did, I had to pull over, because I was crying.  There's nothing more beautiful than this:

Friday, May 7, 2010


Don't test early.  Just don't.  I'm 8dpo in my first cycle TTC and I woke up this morning and I just had to.  It was a bad idea and I totally shouldn't have, but what can I say.  I'm human.

Yes, I know people have gotten BFP's at 8dpo.  That doesn't mean it will happen to you.  Let me rephrase that.  It won't happen to you.

What WILL happen to you is that you'll see a shadow on the peestick, which isn't a line, but it's a shadow and you're just not sure one way or the other any more, and then you'll pee on another one, and that one will look shadowy too, so you'll take a bunch of pictures until you think you've gotten one that isn't blurry, and then you'll zoom way in on your laptop (as though this is somehow better than looking really closely at the peestick) and then you'll invert the colors on the photo and you'll still think it looks shadowy and glowy, and you're still just not sure, and you'll keep zooming in further until FINALLY rational you will intercede with "it's not a line, dummy.  go to work."  And you'll drop it (even though you still SWEAR you saw a shadow).

Just don't pee early.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Freakout Resolution

I have calmed considerably since yesterday. I've also made a few decisions...
  • Dr Wu will NOT be our doctor. I don't trust her information, I don't like her bedside manner, and I think she was irresponsible in prescribing that medication.
  • I will NOT be taking the medication that she prescribed. It is pregnancy category X. The internet says not to do it. My regular doc says not to do it. My common sense says not to do it. I'm angry that I wasted the copay, but glad I looked into it before using it.
I'm very angry with this doctor. Anger isn't healthy, and all in all, the worst harm that was done is that I'm out $35 for the copay for this stupid cream - but it's more the possibility of what *could* have happened that angers me. Aside from hurting a future LO, it could have hurt ME. From the web:
  • FDA pregnancy category X. Estrace can cause birth defects. Use an effective form of birth control while you are using Estrace.
  • Estrace increases your risk of developing endometrial hyperplasia, a condition that may lead to cancer of the uterus
  • Long-term Estrace treatment may increase your risk of breast cancer, heart attack, or stroke
So I guess all in all, I'm upset that she didn't discuss any of these things with me. Because it sounds like this is a fairly serious med, and she handed it out pretty cavalierly.  Bad doctor.  Bad.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Welcome to my first TTC freakout

Still in our first cycle of TTC and we've arrived at our very first TTC freakout.

I saw the new OB/GYN last week to discuss that we are TTC and talked about all of the meds that I am on and will need to discontinue. I didn't get a wonderful feeling from her, for a few reasons. She made me feel a little stupid at times (I was asking if Tom's age would be of any concern. She stared at me blankly. I said that I knew there was some danger involved in having older mothers, and wasn't sure if that applied to fathers too. She said that there was no danger at all in having an "older" (late 30's-40's or beyond) mother. I'm thinking - really? No danger? No increased risk of miscarriage or fetal abnormalities that you can think of? Nothing?) and just overall didn't give me a very good feeling. When I am pregnant, I'll be switching to another doc in the practice. But I digress.

I complained about dryness making sex uncomfortable/painful/not enjoyable, and said that we've tried every lube on the market, and nothing has helped. She took a look down there and said it looked "kind of red and irritated" but saw no sign of infection. So she prescribed an estrogen cream called Estrace. I SPECIFICALLY told her, we are TTC, and asked if it was safe to use while TTC and while pregnant. She said YES. Not a moment's hesitation. I haven't used it yet, but I filled the (Very Pricey scrip) and today, I was cruising safefetus.com and checked it out. It's rated X! Positive evidence of human fetal risk exists. Fetal risk involved in use of drug, clearly outweighs potential benefit. Contraindicated in women who are or may become pregnant. Don’t use.

What?! Why would she prescribe this? What should I do?! Some of the girls on the TTGP boards are telling me that Estrace is used commonly in IF treatments. So I don't know, I guess I need to do some more research.

Either way, I'm not happy with her, and am planning on getting a new doctor once I get pregnant. She's my second Gyn since March (yes, and it's only May) but I think I really need one that I trust. Anyone who makes me feel stupid for asking questions is NOT a good match for me.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

My very first CH

I woke up this morning, temped, and was awarded my very first shiny, lovely set of crosshairs. TTC vets probably don't get too worked up about them at this point, but I'm a crosshairs virgin (at least I WAS) and was way too excited. Even more exciting? I followed said crosshairs downward to find that we actually DID have sex that night. I don't specifically remember any rainbows, fireworks, or glitterfarts (and everyone knows that's how you get Pregnant), but hey it was three whole days ago, so I've probably just forgotten.

I guess I just have a short luteal phase, because people talk about waiting until 16 or 17 DPO to POAS - but I expect my period to show up on 15DPO. I guess what this means (to rational, merely 3DPO me) is that I don't even have to waste $$ on testing until I'm late. Buuuut, I have a big bin of internet cheapies, and at about a quarter per test, I think we all know what I'll be doing. I even bought a pack of 2 digital tests that will ONLY BE USED TO CONFIRM POSITIVE INTERNET CHEAPIES. Yeah, don't worry, they don't expire until December. December 2011.

Guilt and shame have managed to creep in from my shopping yesterday. I tried to pay my penance by doing some baby clothes shopping for Sophie and Oscar, who actually ARE having a baby, a sweet little girl, this summer. I just can't make myself pass up a good deal, even if it's for a phantom baby. Even if we adopt - no, ESPECIALLY if we adopt, I want to babywear. And although I don't think Tom will initially be too gung ho, I really hope he gets on board. For one, I love the bonding. For another, it frees up your hands to do the things that your hands previously enjoyed doing, pre-baby, all without having to abandon the baby somewhere. Yeah, I know, in an apartment this size, how could anyone EVER feel abandoned - but if it happens to the cat (who randomly gets "lost" in rooms we're not currently in and just sits down and cries his heart out), it can happen to a baby.

I guess I'm not really ready to share this blog yet. Someday, when I'm pregnant and things feel safe, maybe. Just... not yet.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Deals Deals Deals

Found a great new site today. http://www.mamabargains.com/

It's basically woot.com, but for baby gear. The current deal is the Lillebaby Everywear carrier (which I SO want) for $59 (it's $100 on Amazon).

I'm a sucker for a dealhunt.

I said I wouldn't...

But I did. I bought my first baby thing. A Moby carrier, because I know I want to use one, and it was the color I wanted, and it was less than half the price of buying new. I can't resist a deal. So I got it.

I know. I shouldn't have. But we *will* have our baby, whatever it takes.