Opinions are like - um - butts

Dear people who have already given birth,

I am so glad to hear that "you made it."  In fact, I'm quite sure that I'll "make it" too.  The route I take to get there, however, is my business.  With that in mind, please withhold all unrequested opinions and advice.  I'm ever so glad to hear that you labored for 70 hours without an ounce of pain medication.  Still in possession of my brain, I'm going to go ahead and say that's just not for me.  It's lovely to know that you never took any drugs for morning sickness, because you wouldn't want to hurt your baby.  The fact that I need to function all day long in order to get paid and continue to have health insurance certainly does not mean that I want to hurt mine.  And actually, I think I might be okay with my baby looking like a giant Zofran when he/she is born. 

A special addendum to mothers that are a few decades older than I:

This isn't 1972.  I know you mean well, but I won't be putting my baby to sleep on his/her stomach, I don't think it's "perfectly fine" to smoke while pregnant just because you did it, and crib bumpers aren't cute enough to make up for the additional SIDS risk.

My choices are MY CHOICES.  Everyone can take their vaguely-well-meaning advice and - well - it wouldn't be polite to finish that sentence.  Suffice it to say that I don't need to be told what to eat, how to be pregnant, the "best" way to give birth, or how much I must hate my kid for being okay with a pacifier.  I'll make my mistakes the same way you made yours.  And my kid will be just fine.